How to Move on After Losing a Friendship

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If you’ve stumbled onto this post the odds are you’ve had a friend break-up with you and you’re not quite sure how to get over it.  I know this predicament quite well, as I too have lost a friend.  It will take you awhile to move on, but it can be done.  Here is a list of things you can do to make the transition a little easier:

  1.  Sever all ties.  Unfriend them on Facebook and all social media accounts if you haven’t already done so.  If you’re friends with any of their family members I highly recommend unfriending them as well.  You might not have any beef with their family, but you will be reminded of the friend you’ve lost every time you see their family members’ names.  If you just can’t bring yourself to unfriend them, hide all of their posts from your feed… and also anyone else who reminds you of them.  I do recommend completely unfriending your ex-friend though because you’ll be less tempted to check their page if you’re unable to look.
  2. Delete them from your phone, and block them if you need to go that far.
  3. Remove anything that reminds you of them from your daily routine.  If you have a picture on your bulletin board of this person take it down.  If you can’t bring yourself to throw it away, hide it and forget about it.  If the friendship is really over it’s better to just clear everything out, but do what you can.
  4. If they have a blog or a website try not to check it for updates.  Getting snippets of information about their life without you can sting if you allow it to hurt you.
  5. Don’t beat yourself up.  If it was their decision to move on, try to find peace with it and let them go.  I know this is easier said than done, but give it time.  The fact that moving on is difficult for you shows how deeply you care for people.  You will make new friends and they will appreciate you for the kind, compassionate person you are.
  6. Do something you enjoy and try to find a group or club that does that activity.  It will give you something to look forward to and also give you an opportunity to make new friends.  Remember that things might not be okay right now, but they will be.
  7. If you need to vent, write about it.  It can be on your blog or just a piece of paper.  Don’t say their name publicly.  This isn’t meant to call them out or shame them, this part is only meant to release some feelings.

I’m actually going to do step #7 right now because I haven’t quite finished the process.  I hope that this helps you in some way.  Hang in there, it will get easier!


 

I have {had} this friend.

I’ve known her since 1st grade.  We’ve seen each other through puberty, unrequited love, failures, disappointments, and even divorce.

During my college years I lost touch with this friend.  I called her maybe once or twice a year.  We were both busy with college, living in different cities and making new friends, so it’s only natural that we grew apart.  I just didn’t realize how far apart.

The people that I call friends are people that I could pick back up at any moment and feel like no time has passed… as if I’m transported back to another place and time to finish a sentence that I never finished, but could continue without skipping a beat.  These are the people that I long for when I’m lonely, which doesn’t happen too often, but when it does it sneaks up on me like a thief.

I didn’t join Facebook until around 2007, but when I did I was excited to find her and reconnect.  And we did for awhile… but then one day she sent a message to several people, including myself, to say that she would be removing us from her friend list because she wanted to only use Facebook to keep up with family and her students.

I can’t really describe how much and how deeply that stung.

I’ve seen her once since then and it was super awkward.  What do you say to someone that no longer thinks you’re worth their time?  And who announced it in a public message?

I really have to work to NOT think about her, even 5 years later.  I unfriended her family members on Facebook and Instagram, so I would not be reminded constantly of the friend I had lost.  It was like rubbing salt in a wound.  They probably never even noticed.

Now and then I find myself on her blog just to see what she’s up to… and to read about the daughter I’ve never met and the husband I’ll never get to know.  I think about this time that I’m missing with this person that I once loved so much, and it still stings.

But when I turn all of that off, I think about her as a person.  And when I’m being honest with myself, I know she was not a good friend for me.  She really wasn’t even a nice person.  She was cruel.

I was the butt of every joke.  And when I opened myself up to her I was laughed at behind closed doors with her mother.  What kind of friend is that?!  If we got to pick our friends out of a line-up would you say, “I’ll take the cruel one, please”?

Why do I allow myself to mourn the loss of this person?  It’s asinine, and yet I once again found myself checking her blog this afternoon.  I need to stop doing this to myself though, because it’s a reminder that I’ve been tossed aside and forgotten.  I have some truly wonderful friends that love me and tell me so regularly.  I need to accept what I can’t fix and move on.

It’s high time she was forgotten.

obliviate

 





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